I’m long overdue for a blog post and update.
London was awesome, including a day and night in Paris. Got home a few days before the terrorist attacks at Parliament, so that was a bit unsettling. Just a few days earlier I’d been right there having lunch at a pub with an old friend who is stationed outside of London with the military. Overall it was a great trip.
Shortly after the trip I got 3 new tattoos. I seem to go in spurts. I’ll say I’m done and then I’ll hit on a great idea (this time from my cousin) and suddenly want a bunch. Upon hearing that I got 3 tattoos at once my dad asked, “What happened to minimalism?” and calls it “selective minimalism.” Funny guy! The irony is not lost on me, yet isn’t that what minimalism is all about? Selecting what you love? So that brings the total to 10 tattoos now. I won’t bother saying I’m done this time, because who knows?
I’m still working on my financial goals, namely my mortgage. I got a nice raise last month which will certainly help. The mortgage balance is currently just under $77,000 and changes weekly. Almost halfway there…
Learning How To Just Be
Now the real update.
Lately I’ve been feeling funky about things in life. Not depressed, just a little unsure about some things. Since practically age 14 I’ve been hustling hard. Work, education, military, financial goals, my blog, always trying to tackle the next accomplishment and improve myself. Always striving to be more or better…more intentional, more eco-friendly, a better friend, more appreciative of life, more frugal, a more informed human, more whatever.
And while I do believe most of these things are important values and I still strongly believe in living them and continuing to improve myself…sometimes living with intention is just exhausting. I realized that I don’t know how to just BE. Be still. Be present. Be in the moment. My mind is constantly thinking about the next goal, the next book, the blog post I “should” write, more ways to save money, the next eco-friendly habit to develop, and the next change to make to make myself a “better” human being.
It’s hard to explain. I’m not depressed. I’m not unhappy with who I am. I’m not trying to be someone else. I’m more at peace with who I am than ever and wish I’d started embracing it sooner. I think I just need to cut myself some slack and learn to just be still in the moment. Ambition is good and I don’t think I’ll ever lose that, but I don’t need to be so ON all the time.
I need to learn to be comfortable with just being. I put a lot of pressure on myself to embrace life and live it to the fullest, because I know many who have not had the chance. But sometimes I need to give myself a break from the hustle and just enjoy the moment without thinking about next or better.
I don’t know what that means for the future of this blog, and if you’ve read for awhile, you’ve definitely seen it change as my interest has waned over the past year. I thank you for continuing to be a part of my journey. (One thing I have decided is that I’ll no longer be doing my monthly posts sharing what books I read. If you still want to see what I read, I post almost all of them on Instagram.)
So my little nugget for today…cut yourself some slack and just enjoy the things you’ve worked hard for in life.